Prof. Frieda Gufthausen
Prof. Gufthausen is a remarkable bitch. She was born in a log cabin she built with her own hands, deep in the forests of southern Prussia. Although a niece of Otto von Bisbark, a family dispute left her mother and father pfennigless. This was to shape Gufthausen's life.
Young Frieda ran away from home, never completing her obedience training. She joined the Bunyip Stealers, a notorious gang of thieves operating throughout the sixteen Germanic states. The Yippers, as they were known, were led by a cruel madman known only as KR. In 1863, the Yippers stole 4,089 bunyips in Schleswig-Holstein alone.
The Yippers are called "the midwives of Germany," an ironic but strangely accurate appellation. None of the Germanic states could withstand the Yippers' bunyip-fueled Wasser Warriors by themselves. In 1865, the Germanic states signed the Grössund im Deutscher der Yünter Uddenung Pactenheimer (Greater German Unification Pact). The GiDdYUP created a single German army.
In 1869, GiDdYUP forces defeated the Wasser Warriors at the famous Battle of Blöminktun (BoB). It was one of the bloodiest battles of the nineteenth century. The small city of Blöminktun and its environs were devastated. Crops and livestock were utterly destroyed. Only the strangely abundant Soylent Grün sustained what remained of the local population through a bitter winter.
BoB demonstrated the power of unification. Indeed, without GiDdYUP, the Yippers would not have been defeated. Thus, in 1870, the modern state of Germany was born.
Gufthausen remained in hiding until the general amnesty of 1908. She refuses to discuss her time with the Yippers. There are persistent rumors that she was intimately involved with KR, the shadowy Yipper leader, but that cannot be confirmed. However, we can say that rumors that KR survived BoB and still lives in the Blöminktun hinterlands are certainly false.
In 1909, Gufthausen entered the Wölva Hickling Othender Altlün (School for Advanced Bitches). Even as a WHOA ünterklasslave, Gufthausen questioned the efficacy of her trainers' methods. Although she enjoyed the daily flagellation, a memory perhaps of her time with KR, she grew tired of the constant repetition of "sitz, shtand, rolover, plai kapüt."
Gufthausen graduated mega cum laudely from WHOA in 1941. She was drafted into an elite scientific team led by Weiner von Brawn, a short but stocky dog of unquestioned Aryan ancestry. Her main task was to convert dog food into powerful gas.
After the war, Gufthausen joined von Brawn in the United States. She was denounced in the McCarthy hearings of 1954, labeled a "red hot dog." Forced to leave the fledgling space (clearing) program, Gufthausen accepted a teaching position at the University of Central South Eastern West Virginia, North Campus.
At UCSEWVNC (the Fighting Mullets), Gufthausen developed her first theory of outcome-based educational response (ToOBER). ToOBER was first presented at the Iowa State Fair, A Great State Fair, Don't Miss It, Don't Even Be Late. It was admired for its size (319 pages) and density.
Gufthausen continued to revise ToOBER over the next half century. Now in version 10.66, ToOBER is at the root of the learning science revolution.